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Dating similar personality
The job thing is -- we form the same core notions. Social scientists who just three look for two things over the day term: Here's what the tactics did: Contribute your site lessons at the New Happiness Now.
Thus, sharing similar personality traits doesn't necessarily mean a relationship will be more satisfying—that is, unless you perceive that you are similar. Hudson and Fraley found that Dating similar personality who see themselves as similar have more Dating similar personality relationships, regardless of whether or not they actually are very similar. But Hudson and Fraley took their investigation an intriguing step further. Given that attachment fundamentally shapes how people function in romantic relationships, they wanted to test whether adult attachment style influences the association between partner similarity and relationship satisfaction.
The participants also completed an attachment questionnaire. Attachment develops from the relationship between infants and their caregiver, with particular respect to responsiveness and availability. The effects of early attachment are far-reaching, establishing how we perceive ourselves and others as we grow into adults. Insecure attachment breaks down into two types: Those who are high on attachment avoidance believe that others will not respond to their needs, and correspondingly have a negative view of others.
They tend to avoid intimacy, and are ill at ease when they feel their partner is too close. Those who are high on attachment anxiety are preoccupied with how available others are, and have a negative view of themselves. Securely attached people are low on attachment avoidance and anxiety, and demonstrate higher levels of adjustment in their relationships. The results were striking. Highly avoidant people seemed to be most satisfied with their relationships when the personalities of the partners were moderately similar.
Put another way, an optimal balance of similarities and differences may help avoidant people keep intimacy at bay. But for highly anxious people, it was a different story. They experience greater levels of relationship satisfaction with partners who are either highly similar or dissimilar to them. For the anxiously attached, having a dissimilar partner may be a way to compensate for one's own shortcoming, say the researchers. So, do opposites attract? But here's a thought: It has been said that the happiest couples never have the same character—they just have the best understanding of their differences. Perhaps that keen observation is fodder for a future study.
Connect with Vinita Mehta on the web at drvinitamehta. Even Dating similar personality Little Mermaid -- the original Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, not the treacly Disney movie -- winds up rejected by the handsome prince and dies. In literature and legend, at least, it's tough to bring two different worlds together. I've asked over people married 40, 50 and more years what is most important for a long and happy marriage. To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don't usually make for great and lasting marriages. Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar.
And if you're very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, is likely to be much more difficult. I can hear some of you saying: But it would be boring if two mates were exactly alike in interests and personality! Although it may sound paradoxical, long-married elders agree that some differences can spice up a relationship. But not all aspects are equally important. There are many ways partners can be similar, but the elders say that one dimension is absolutely necessary: Similarity in core values. Now I have talked to many people entering into relationships over the years and I have heard all kinds of reasons for falling in love.
Things like physical attractiveness, having a good sense of humor, making good money, being a nice person and physical attractiveness okay, I said it already, but I hear it a lot. Searching my memory, I failed to come up with a single example of someone saying: The best thing is -- we share the same core values! Take Emma, who at 87 has been married for 58 years. As she puts it, "It's quite an achievement. In other words, if you're a free spender, marry somebody who understands that. If you're frugal, you need to marry somebody who understands that, because money is one of the stumbling blocks in marriages.
Fortunately we had the same values on most things. Because of this, we really didn't argue. And we didn't agonize over things. We came to our decisions by just realizing that we had usually the same goals. Whether the wife purchases an expensive camera or the husband a new golf club is not the core issue in what can become a monumental fight, but rather the deeper attitude toward what money means, how it should be spent and whether the financial interests of the couple are more important than indulging an individual whim.
Similarity in core values serves as a form of inoculation against fighting and arguing. Keith, 78, told me: We came to the point where we asked: It's based this time on compatibility and understanding one another's values. We've never had a fight.
In other words, there's no meanness, there's no power struggles, no 'my way is the right way,' those kinds of things. Namely, you need to explore one another's values while you are in the process of committing to a relationship. Do we believe the same things in life are important?